Behold, the Slayer Pizza! And Other Heavy Metal Meals

Slayer Pizza

Slayer Pizza

A pump of the fist to a chef named John Hurkes, who has combined the two loves of his life: gourmet food and heavy metal music. He writes a column for Rice and Bread Magazine called “Perfect Pairings”, and it’s based on a simple, rock-solid idea: Create entrées that go well with LPs. Using his mystical , dark culinary powers, he creates food that reflects or complements some of his favorite albums. If Black Sabbath were a pizza, what pizza would it be? John Hurkes knows. If Glenn Danzig created demonic burgers instead of tasty guitar licks, what burger would he make? John Hurkes knows. Here are five of Hurkes’ creations, with abbreviated information—for the full story, visit his archive at Rice and Bread.

Black Sabbath Pizza
Dish: The Black Sabbath Pizza (photo: Chef John Hurkes)

Ingredients: English banger sausage, smoked mozzarella, squid ink béchamel sauce, purple basil leaf, sweet lavender honey, and an authentic Mapledurham Watermill crust.

Albums: Black Sabbath’s Black Sabbath and Master of Reality, the original thick riff classics banging from the deep ’70s.

Tasting notes: What is this pizza that stands before me? A slice in black which points at me. Just like the conception of heavy metal, the Black Sabbath pizza is cooked from scratch. The flour is stoner-ground and rises from the early ’70s…

Wings & Waffles
Dish: Temptation’s Wings & Waffles (photo: Chef John Hurkes)

Ingredients: Southern-fried chicken wings, tobacco onions, and whiskey waffles buried in smoked-bacon-bourbon maple syrup and herb butter.

Album: Down’s Nola, the 1995 southern down-home sludge metal classic.

Tasting notes: This (dis)comforting meal could send you either to the bayou from beyond or back to “Rehab.” The wings are shaken in flour, seasoned, and Pepper-ed by the riff masters from New Orleans, Louisana. With the hammering of drums, the waffles are beat together like “Pillars of Eternity”…

Juicy Lucifuge
Dish: The Juicy Lucifuge (photo: Chef John Hurkes)

Ingredients: New Jersey black-angus beef, blue-cheese Lucifuge, the onions of Christ, and blackest of the black BBQ sauce. Served on a house-made Twist of Pain bun.

Albums: Danzig‘s Danzig and Lucifuge, the killer metal masterpieces, howlin’ from the early 1990s.

Tasting notes: Start the legend with a burger, right? This black and blues burger is “Not of This World,” a coal-fired American metal blend of short rib, brisket, and Chuck roll. Whoa, oh! It’s got cheese that burns inside and if you don’t want to burn, just walk on by…

Nuclear Assault Nachos
Dish: Nuclear Assault Nachos (photo: Chef John Hurkes)

Ingredients: Fire-braised pig confit, pickled onions and jalapenos, nuclear cheese reactor, and OC-17 police grade pepper-sprayed multi-continental fried chips.

Album: Nuclear Assault’s Survive, the legendary east coast thrash platter meltdown, rising from 1988.

Tasting notes: I won’t cook to help keep the Dow Jones out of the red. These New York-style nachos are assembled for only two reasons; ’80s speed metal and liberty! The food-cost analysis is “F#”reedom…

Slayer Pizza
Dish: The Slayer Pizza (photo: Chef John Hurkes)

Ingredients: Chopped Fra Mani toscano, soppressata, finocchiona, Cypress Grove “Lamb Chopper” cheese, house marinara, signature communion wafer crust, and an altar wine gastrique.

Album: Slayer’s Reign in Blood, the classico 1986 thrashterpiece.

Tasting notes: Behold, the Slayer pizza. A vast sadistic feast, the only way to eat it is going piece by piece. The flour was stone ground from 350 communion wafers and kneaded together on an altar of sacrifice…

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