THE DOG PRESENTS:
"THE SIXTEEN MOST COMMON SHITS"
- GHOST POO: You
know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but not in the toilet.
Where is it ?
- TEFLON POO: So
slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the toilet paper.
You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.
- GOO POO: This
has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't come
clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil
it. Permanent skid marks are left in the toilet.
- SECOND THOUGHTS
POO: You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realize...there's
more to come.
- POP A VEIN IN
YOUR FOREHEAD POO: This is the poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come
out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
- WEIGHT WATCHERS
POO: You poo so much you lose several pounds.
- RIGHT NOW POO:
You'd better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting there,
and it usually gets its head out before you can get your pants down.
- KING KONG POO:
This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you break
it down into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well. This kind
of a poo usually happens at someone else's house.
- CORK POO: Also
known as a "floater." Even after the third flush it's still there, floating
in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?
- WET CHEEKS POO:
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the launching
of the Space Shuttle, soaking your starfish.
- WISH POO: You
sit there all cramped up, and fart a few times, but no poo.
- CEMENT BLOCK POO:
So large and solid you feel like it is taking your spine with it.
- SNAKE POO: This
poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 feet long.
- MORNING AFTER
POO: Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell
that bad, but THIS one! ...Usually you're at someone else's house (the girl
you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside to use the bathroom.
- MEXICAN FOOD POO:
Also called screamers - you know it's safe to eat again when you bum stops
- BOO HOO POO: The
one that makes you cry with pain and wonder whether you should risk the stitches
or go for the fuller figure.
DON'T FORGET TO WIPE YOUR ASS FOLKS!
2001 - 2013 Heavy Metal Magazine
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