SHIT THE DOG PRESENTS:
"THE SIXTEEN MOST COMMON SHITS"

1. GHOST POO: You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but not in the toilet. Where is it ?
   
2. TEFLON POO: So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.
   
3. GOO POO: This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the toilet.
   
4. SECOND THOUGHTS POO: You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realize...there's more to come.
   
5. POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO: This is the poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
   
6. WEIGHT WATCHERS POO: You poo so much you lose several pounds.
   
7. RIGHT NOW POO: You'd better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting there, and it usually gets its head out before you can get your pants down.
   
8. KING KONG POO: This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you break it down into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well. This kind of a poo usually happens at someone else's house.
   
9. CORK POO: Also known as a "floater." Even after the third flush it's still there, floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?
   
10. WET CHEEKS POO: This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the launching of the Space Shuttle, soaking your starfish.
    
11. WISH POO: You sit there all cramped up, and fart a few times, but no poo.
    
12. CEMENT BLOCK POO: So large and solid you feel like it is taking your spine with it.
    
13. SNAKE POO: This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 feet long.
    
14. MORNING AFTER POO: Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell that bad, but THIS one! ...Usually you're at someone else's house (the girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside to use the bathroom.
    
15. MEXICAN FOOD POO: Also called screamers - you know it's safe to eat again when you bum stops burning.
    
16. BOO HOO POO: The one that makes you cry with pain and wonder whether you should risk the stitches or go for the fuller figure.

AND DON'T FORGET TO WIPE YOUR ASS FOLKS!